Monday, December 08, 2008

The beginning...

On May 1st 2007 at our 19 week ultrasound we were over joyed to learn we were having a baby boy! I remember laughing and crying all at once when the ultrasound technician said "it's a boy!" I was so excited! Jon was too & as soon as she was done we literally ran out to the car in the parking lot because we just couldn't wait to tell everyone the good news!!! On the car ride home we couldn't help but plan out all of the extracurricular activities he would participate in, & imagine who he would look like. We were on cloud nine.
The following morning I woke up to the phone call that would change our lives forever. It was a woman from Kaiser & she said that she had a couple of questions for me based on findings on the ultrasound. She said that it looked as though part of our baby's heart was a bit small. She wanted me to come back in, in one hour
for another ultrasound. I am not one to jump to conclusions, but immediately I knew that it was serious. As soon as I hung up the phone I lost it. I just cried. I called Jon & hated what I had to tell him. Then called my mom & asked her to watch the girls for me & told her why I needed her to. She told me that she knew everything would be okay for us. I was so scared & prayed the entire drive down town. I prayed that I would be able to at least meet my baby boy, I just wanted time.
Jon & I met in the waiting room & were quickly taken back. It took moments before the doctor had conclude
d that our baby boy would be born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. We were absolutely crushed. I had never known the pain that I felt that day. We didn't know what to do, or say we just sat there devastated, for about 2 hours. In that time we had asked the staff to provide us with as much information as they could about HLHS. I almost wish they hadn't. The information tracked about 20 individuals with HLHS and I think 4 were still alive at the age of 5. There was no information about these kids living beyond that age. It was very outdated. But we didn't know that.
As soon as we got home we began to research his condition & it wasn't long before we had some hope. All that we could do was remain faithful that the Lord would grant us time with our baby. I thought continually about my friend Lindsay whose little girl also has a congenital heart defect. I always admired Lindsay because she faced so much with her little girl & has done so with grace. I realized that while her little girl has a CHD she still leads very happy normal life. I hoped that we could be so blessed. But I had no idea if my son would be strong enough after birth to undergo surgical repair.

It is amazing how much has happen in one year. What a roller coaster! I only wish that on the day we learned of his condition I could have seen just how fulfilled and happy we are today. Today I feel like my life is so much richer than I ever imagined it could be. We have the smartest, funniest, most spiritually- curious little girls. And we have the sweetest, most lovable little boy, with a wonderful little heart. Upon learning of his HLHS we wondered why we had such awful luck. Today we wonder why we are so incredibly blessed.
While this journey has brought many, many tears, it has also brought indescribable joy. The pain has helped me to understand what true happiness is. We don't know what tomorrow has in store for Joshua, and never will. But I am continually amazed that one tiny little boy can have such a huge impact on so many lives!

1 comment:

Nicole said...

Oh Allison I had no idea how instensive all that you had to go through with Joshua was. What a special little miracle you get to look at each day. I am so happy you have found so much joy in this year. and I pray you will have many more wonderful years with your sweet little boy.